Archive for June 2012

Today I finished week2/day2 of the Couch to 5K program.  On the first 4 days minute 13 was my killer.  I wanted to scream, and stop, and go eat a donut.  But today, oh my, today I went right past minute 13 without much notice!  Now, minute 15.5 on the other hand had me about ready to pass out, but no, I kept going.  Yay me!

I took a day off yesterday from a workout because we were taking the kids to Kings Island, and I did 2 workouts the day before.  Did you know there are workout videos on Netflix streaming?!  I didn’t and I gave one a try after the kids went to bed.  Anyway, I decided that since we had a busy day I’d just skip a workout that morning.  I still kept track of my food on MyFitnessPal, and I had my usual breakfast and lunch.  But, after the park we stopped at Frickers for dinner.  On the way there I checked out some numbers so I’d be ready to make a good choice when we ordered.  I would usually order the “Fricken’ Chicken Pizza” or regular breaded wings, and a basket of brew city fries with cheese (we share the fries).  But, after doing a little research, those old favorites are out the window.  Ten breaded wings are a wopping 1732 calories!!  That’s more calories than I eat in a day!  But, 10 unbreaded wings, or “Naked” are only 240 calories.  So, of course I went naked 🙂  And, because I had lots of calories left, and I still like food, I ordered fried pickles (which we shared) and I enjoyed fewer than I would have in the past, but still ate them just the same…guilt free.

I may be redundant here, but I’m not on a diet.  I don’t know how to diet, I don’t like to diet, and quite frankly, I’m a fat kid, so diets won’t work.  I’ve been overweight since I was in 7th grade.  Not horribly, but enough to make me not like myself very much.  A diet, that will make me lose weight but not maintain that loss is useless to me.  This is being aware of what my hand is putting into my mouth.  This is not eating the rest of the macaroni and cheese after the kids have eaten it for dinner.  This is eating a bowl of watermelon as a snack.  This is not grabbing a quick sandwich at McDonald’s because I haven’t eaten yet today and am now starving.  This is eating breakfast even if I don’t want to.  This is not drinking a cup of coffee with 3 spoons of sugar and a whoooole lot of non-dairy creamer.  This is weighing my food before I eat it or cook it.  This is not eating as much as I want because it tastes good (or because I’m bored!).  This is using food as a tool to a healthy body.  This is not taking food away from myself to see the number on the scale drop faster.  This IS eating to live, NOT living to eat.


So, just for fun while I was eating lunch today I went onto the MyFitnessPal app and went back to the Monday before I started using it again.  It was blank, so I filled it in with what my typical day might have looked like 2 weeks ago.  I may have exaggerated a little, but not much.  Oh.My.Word!!!!  If you are using MFP, and you haven’t done this yet give it a whirl.  I was stunned and disgusted.  I knew I was eating crappy, but when you see the numbers right there in front of you, you have no choice but to shudder.  Going by my current 1500/day calories I was almost 1200 calories OVER.  And my fat intake, 75g OVER my daily goal.  Sad, really.  Just sad that that is how I was treating my body.  I never exercised, so it’s not like those extras were getting used.  Nope, they were just making themselves at home in my hips and butt.  Well, guess what Extras, it’s time for you to pack it up and move it out cause you’ve been here for far too long!

I started week 2 of the C25K program.  I did week one, and didn’t think it was too bad, run for 60 seconds, walk for 120 seconds, repeat.  It was hard, don’t get me wrong, but I survived, and I could probably do week one over and over and over without too much swearing trouble.  Now, this week, they’ve added in another 30 seconds of running.  Good heavens, that extra 30 made it harder at the end of the 20 minutes.  But, I just kept going.  I wanted to stop.  I wanted to kick the stupid treadmill.  I wanted to kick myself.  I wanted to eat a package of Oreos.  But, I didn’t.  I finished the workout, and took my cool shower.  Why?  Why did I do it?  Because I have to.  Now it’s not because I want to.  Now I feel like I have to.  When I’m running on that God Awful belt, and I want to stop or die, I think about the picture taken just a few weeks ago at the beachImage.  I think about that picture, and I get mad.  Really, really mad.  And I keep on going.  I keep going because I don’t want to look like that anymore.  I keep going because I don’t want to feel like that anymore.  I keep going because if I stop and go the other way I’m scared of what next year’s vacation picture might look like!

I’m a self proclaimed spoiled brat.  I don’t like to be told what to do, and I really don’t like doing things that I don’t want to do.  It’s one of the benefits to being an adult.  I get to do pretty much what I want, when I want.  And this working out, and eating right is NOT what I WANT to be doing.  And, I’m going to be real honest, if I hadn’t filled in so many friends to this blog and journey, I would have probably called it quits by now, and just said, better luck next time.  But, since I know there are eyes on me, and people pulling for me it matters to me.  It matters to me because I matter to them.

I don’t want to be the chubby, funny one anymore.  Oh, I’ll always be funny, I can’t help that!  But I’m just so over being sad when I go shopping, sad when I look in a mirror, sad when I put on a pair of pants that just fit a few months ago.

It has to get harder before it gets easier, and if it’s too easy than I’m not working hard enough.  I have never in my life uttered “No Pain, No Gain”.  But I get it now.  I understand where that pain needs to come from, and I understand the gain that follows.

I am proud of myself so far.  I know that I’ve worked hard, and had success so far.  But it still sucks, and I still hate it, and I still want those damn Oreos!! 

is not found in a bag of movie popcorn!  If you saw my last post, you knew we were planning a trip to the Drive-In.  I still had a lot of calories left over from my day, so I may have gotten a little carried away with the snacks.  Definitely not as much as I ate the last time we were there (2 weeks ago), but still probably a little more than I should have.  And, although that popcorn did taste delicious, I am feeling it today.  I woke up itchy and puffy.  I could totally feel the effects of too much salt.  While I know I didn’t need to eat all that salty popcorn, and even though I know it’s okay to have days that aren’t perfect, I’m chalking this one up to a learning experience.  My body is adjusting to a healthy lifestyle, and just that one time of too much salt makes me realize how crappy my body must have felt all the time before.

And, since we were out late I wasn’t sure I’d get a workout in today since I got up late, but luckily I was able to.  Thank goodness because I know that it is helping to work this salty sludge out of my system.  I am tired today though, and I do kinda wish we could just go to McBurger or Pizzas-Are-Us because I don’t feel like cooking.  But, if a few handfuls of salty popcorn make me feel this bad I can’t even fathom how atrocious I would feel if I ate a meal of fast food.  Blah!!  So, the next time I crave something bad, or try and talk myself into the easy way out as far as food is concerned I’m just going to remember how I felt today when I woke up, and think again! 

I’m done with my post bedtime chores before 1am, so I’m just popping in for a boring quick update of my day so I can get to bed and get up to do Week 1/ Day 3 of my C25K program!!!

Tonight was my first “test” of wills.  I had the neighbor girls over so their parents could have a date, and I got the kids pizza.  I already knew ahead of time that I wasn’t eating it, and dug up some stuff to make this.  I was looking forward to my meal, so I thought avoiding the pizza wouldn’t be too tough.  Boy, oh boy, oh boy was I W.R.O.N.G!  When that steamy, melty, cheesy, pepperoniy pie showed up at my door, and I caught a smell of it, it was like Edward catching Bella’s scent for the first time. (Sorry for the Twilight reference!  So cliche, but TRUE!)  All I wanted to do was eat like, 3 slices of it…maybe more.  But, I got the kids passed out, and since I’m not denying myself anything, just making better choices, I went ahead and had a small hunk of left over cheese that was in the box.  Probably the size of a silver dollar.  It was good, but you know what, not good enough to make me want to eat more.  Whew, crisis averted!  Now, tomorrow we are going to the drive-in and that will be another test, because for me movie watching and mindless eating go hand in hand.  Prayers please!!

Alright, 2330, is 5 minutes away, so I’m signing off since that was really my only obstacle to overcome. And I want to work out and eat before minions awaken and hubby comes home!

I took a break today from my workouts.  I was so tired yesterday, and I knew today would be busy busy busy at church, so I just decided to sleep instead of getting up.  I was also lucky enough to take a nap while the baby slept.  How lovely was that?!

I’m feeling really good and successful about these changes.  So far I don’t have any regrets, and I’m please with my ability to “just say no” to things that I used to eat on a regular basis.  I also feel like I’m not denying myself things because in my brain I haven’t said “You are not allowed to eat A, B, or C.”  It seems to have made a big impact on my ability to fight off over-eating.  I’m also pretty sure that it’s because I’m filling up on good stuff during the day and that’s why I’m not starving by the time my day is over.

Made 2 changes in my Subway order today.  I usually get the turkey and ham on white with light mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, extra pickles, and American.  While I was waiting my turn, I noticed that they have spinach on the bar, and I knew right away that I was getting that instead of the lettuce.  Loved it!  I also tried out their 9 grain Honey Oat bread, and oooohhhh was it good.  I still got the cheese, but I really think that next time I won’t even get it.  Granted I still have plenty of calories left for my day, but I probably didn’t need it.

Other than that, boring day in my world.  Good choices were made, and I’m happy to keep trucking along.  Here’s hoping that the pizza that is coming up tomorrow for our playdate doesn’t do me in, but I don’t think it will.

I let a select group of friends know about this blog.  Mostly because I feel like if I know no one is reading it, than it really doesn’t matter what I write.  But, if people are reading it, especially people I know, than it does matter, so thanks for being here!

We had a church pool party tonight, and there is one thing that I’m definitely looking forward to once I reach a more comfortable weight.  Not wearing a dress in the pool!!!!  UG!  I really hate wearing that stupid thing, it gets all drippy and soggy at the bottom no matter how much you try to dry off, and it drenches your towel.  I just don’t feel comfortable enough in my skin to not wear it either, so I’ll suffer through it for a few more seasons.

The sleep thing almost got me today.  I wanted to go to bed at 4pm, but I still had so much to do in my day that I couldn’t even think about it.  Then with the addition of the pool party tonight, I’m about as close to the walking dead as someone can be without actually being the walking dead.

But, while I was going through my day near zombieism I took my first trip to Health Foods Unlimited.  I had never been in a health food store before, and I have to say I was more than a little overwhelmed.  I felt completely out of place, and wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to make my way to where I needed to be.  I did however, and got a new peanut butterish thingy to try out in a Green Monster Smoothie.

Something interesting to share, that I hadn’t ever thought or known about was a tip from a friend.  She mentioned my daily calorie goal of 1200 might be too low for me since I’m not severely overweight.  She said that if I ate such low calories now that after I met my weight goal I would have to keep them low to maintain my weight, and going over them will make me gain it all right back.  I hadn’t ever heard it explained like that and it made a lot of sense.  I just figured that losing 2lbs a week was better than 1 since I have, I think, a significant amount that I would like to shed.  But, since I’ve gestated 3 humans for nearly 40 weeks each, I can take 60 lbs one week at a time…right?!  So, I’ve changed my goal on MFP to 1lb/week.  And, by the way, my name there is bowlofcherries18.

All in all a good day.  I did Week 1/ Day 2 of the Couch 2 5K program this morning, and I didn’t curse as much as the first day 🙂  I also noticed that I was walking a little faster and straighter today while I was doing errands.  It could have been because I wasn’t dragging minion bodies behind me, but I’d like to think it’s my body reacting to the work it’s being put though.

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