My Motivation…

Posted on: June 27, 2012

I started week 2 of the C25K program.  I did week one, and didn’t think it was too bad, run for 60 seconds, walk for 120 seconds, repeat.  It was hard, don’t get me wrong, but I survived, and I could probably do week one over and over and over without too much swearing trouble.  Now, this week, they’ve added in another 30 seconds of running.  Good heavens, that extra 30 made it harder at the end of the 20 minutes.  But, I just kept going.  I wanted to stop.  I wanted to kick the stupid treadmill.  I wanted to kick myself.  I wanted to eat a package of Oreos.  But, I didn’t.  I finished the workout, and took my cool shower.  Why?  Why did I do it?  Because I have to.  Now it’s not because I want to.  Now I feel like I have to.  When I’m running on that God Awful belt, and I want to stop or die, I think about the picture taken just a few weeks ago at the beachImage.  I think about that picture, and I get mad.  Really, really mad.  And I keep on going.  I keep going because I don’t want to look like that anymore.  I keep going because I don’t want to feel like that anymore.  I keep going because if I stop and go the other way I’m scared of what next year’s vacation picture might look like!

I’m a self proclaimed spoiled brat.  I don’t like to be told what to do, and I really don’t like doing things that I don’t want to do.  It’s one of the benefits to being an adult.  I get to do pretty much what I want, when I want.  And this working out, and eating right is NOT what I WANT to be doing.  And, I’m going to be real honest, if I hadn’t filled in so many friends to this blog and journey, I would have probably called it quits by now, and just said, better luck next time.  But, since I know there are eyes on me, and people pulling for me it matters to me.  It matters to me because I matter to them.

I don’t want to be the chubby, funny one anymore.  Oh, I’ll always be funny, I can’t help that!  But I’m just so over being sad when I go shopping, sad when I look in a mirror, sad when I put on a pair of pants that just fit a few months ago.

It has to get harder before it gets easier, and if it’s too easy than I’m not working hard enough.  I have never in my life uttered “No Pain, No Gain”.  But I get it now.  I understand where that pain needs to come from, and I understand the gain that follows.

I am proud of myself so far.  I know that I’ve worked hard, and had success so far.  But it still sucks, and I still hate it, and I still want those damn Oreos!! 


2 Responses to "My Motivation…"

You should be SO proud of yourself!! All those things you’re feeling, are hard to push away and you’re doing it!! It never gets easier, you get stronger!!! And then you find new challenges that you have to work at!! It’s an amazing journey you’re on, you are going to learn so much about yourself and you should be proud every step of the way!!!!

[…] now, I leave you with this…In June 2012 I posted a photo from our vacation and I mentioned that if I didn’t change my ways I was scared of what the 2013 vacation picture wo…  We took the kids for a final summer trip to King’s Island and were able to get a family […]

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